Tomorrow is a full day of getting pampered and getting the house in order for Britt & Mike's arrival.
Bogs will be in daycare and assmunch will be gone tonight for work Weds & Thurs.
Thursday I leave for NYC bright and early as I have a DRs appt and will be picking up assmunch, Britt & Mike from Manhattan and then returning to PA. I kind of feel bad b/c I'll be leaving Bogs in daycare all day tomorrow and Thursday and quite possibly an overnight on Thursday night. :(
I'm such a bad mommy. Bleh! At least I get my Britt here for 5 days. :)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Friday, January 07, 2011
Random Drivel to Contemplate.
I don't have a lot to say lately. Mostly, I just sit here, in silence, and think about my life.
I think about school and work, my marriage and my family, my future and where I am headed.
I sink while trying to swim, I fail at most attempts to move forward, and I hate that I've become so void of emotion.
I tried a few months back to progress in a relationship that I've been maintaining solely on my own. I made the decision to linger in hopes he would want the same as I, and in the end, he failed me. Relationships, whether romatic or friendly, familiar or new, need work on both parts. I am apparently the only one who realized this. I held onto the hope that after nearing 6 years, he would finally stick around long enough to prove to me his word was good. Alas', I was again, fooled.
I continually try and reassure myself that this was it. This was the last time I would allow him to push our friendship around and kick it to the curb. The love I held for him and our so called relationship was deadend with each disappearance and every promise broken. I threaten and bully myself into corners because I always think of an excuse for why he would constantly uproot himself from my life when all I ever wanted was to be a constant in his. The admiration and devotion I had was never enough. Or perhaps, I just never was.
If everything boiled down to it being ME who wasn't enough, or not good enough, then why on earth wouldn't HE take the higher road and TELL ME. If he is such a man, or so much better, then why am I left without an answer?
Again, I try to move forward, but still seek closure. I would even just take a fucking goodbye. Just one word. Goodbye. I guess some people don't value giving others answers. Maybe I just hurt so much by his lack of appreciation for what was once there and his failure at a farewell that I need to salt the wound by torturing myself. Then again, maybe he likes torturing me because he knows all too well that I'd torture myself by dwelling on something of little value to him.
This is a new year, I need a new me. I need only bother myself with new relationships.
I need nothing, really.
I think about school and work, my marriage and my family, my future and where I am headed.
I sink while trying to swim, I fail at most attempts to move forward, and I hate that I've become so void of emotion.
I tried a few months back to progress in a relationship that I've been maintaining solely on my own. I made the decision to linger in hopes he would want the same as I, and in the end, he failed me. Relationships, whether romatic or friendly, familiar or new, need work on both parts. I am apparently the only one who realized this. I held onto the hope that after nearing 6 years, he would finally stick around long enough to prove to me his word was good. Alas', I was again, fooled.
I continually try and reassure myself that this was it. This was the last time I would allow him to push our friendship around and kick it to the curb. The love I held for him and our so called relationship was deadend with each disappearance and every promise broken. I threaten and bully myself into corners because I always think of an excuse for why he would constantly uproot himself from my life when all I ever wanted was to be a constant in his. The admiration and devotion I had was never enough. Or perhaps, I just never was.
If everything boiled down to it being ME who wasn't enough, or not good enough, then why on earth wouldn't HE take the higher road and TELL ME. If he is such a man, or so much better, then why am I left without an answer?
Again, I try to move forward, but still seek closure. I would even just take a fucking goodbye. Just one word. Goodbye. I guess some people don't value giving others answers. Maybe I just hurt so much by his lack of appreciation for what was once there and his failure at a farewell that I need to salt the wound by torturing myself. Then again, maybe he likes torturing me because he knows all too well that I'd torture myself by dwelling on something of little value to him.
This is a new year, I need a new me. I need only bother myself with new relationships.
I need nothing, really.
Sunday, January 02, 2011
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