|thoughts|

i'm fucking exhausted.. to the point where everything is blurred and i'm just merely hanging by a thread, but i'm fighting it because i slept far too much between yesterday and today and i know that i'm feeling like this due to being over-tired.. bah!

my stomach is still killing me, i'm still sickened by the thought of food and everything makes me feel worn out and weak.. especially the extreme case of nausea..

the supposed mother will be here in 4 days, followed by the ex in 8 days.. i'm not really all that happy about this.. i'm actually a tad bit off-set..

as always, i'll make the best of the situation and try to keep my distance.. i just hope he follows my lead and keeps his as well..

i just realized how bruised my hands are from the IVs, i've actually two large black&blue marks on each one.. especially the left where the dumb cunt blew out my vein.. :

sometimes i honestly wish i would just cease breathing, it would be so much easier on everyone, including myself, i'm getting awfully tired of being sick all the fucking time..

i have this underlying fear that after this next blood scan they're going to tell me i have cancer, atleast then i'd understand why my immune system hates me.. heh

i'm getting sidetracked and delusional because i'm tired..

i miss him.. as each day goes by it just gets more and more apparent how much so..
i hope he knows that..