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i didnt think i'd ever come across something such as this..

i didnt think you felt that way..
you asked me how i never knew, and i went blank..
i didn't know.. i never guessed or assumed..

10 years.. 10 fucking years later you reveal this all to me as though it were yesterday..
as though it were new.. and i should have known..

you felt this way for 1o years and chose to stay silent?!?!
how could you? how is that possible?

you sat silently in the background, allowing me to come to you for everything..
to cry to you, to bitch and moan, vent and fall apart..
you picked up every piece of me and slowly built me back up..
you held my hand and made sure i was ready to walk alone again..

you were like my training wheels.. my lucky rock.. my trusty pen.. my favorite pair of sneakers..
you were everything and then some..

i choked it all back and told you i didnt feel weird..
well, for the first time in 10 years, i lied to you..
i actually told a lie..

it's not that i feel 'weird', i just feel, awkward..
i dont know how to react to all of this, without feeling lied to, myself..
of all the chances you had.. you chose to remain in silence..
you allowed me to live a life that structured me into who i've become..
a life that ran me ragged, disappointed me, disillusioned me, made me bitter, but made me strong..
i don't know whether to hate you, or love you more..

you were always the one who knew what to say, what to do and tell me when to bury my head and let it pass..
you told me who was good for me and who i was too good for..
you sang to me.. you cried to me.. you confessed to me and confided in me..
all the while, loving me..

i know you love me, i knew you loved me..
but you're right.. each time you would tell me, i didnt know just how much..
you were right all along, i didnt know it's full extent..

now, now i just dont know anything..

my lips are closed and my tongue, muted..