|ramble|

sometimes i wonder if you made the biggest mistake of your life..
sometimes i wonder if you really still don't know what it is you want..
but you're just going along with the flow of things.. like a ride, for a thrill..

at times, i think i have it all put together, and then realize, just how much i've fallen apart..

i am a puzzle.. a rubix cube.. so many people have given up and walked away..

i don't blame them, i don't blame anyone for giving up..
i'd have given up as well, in fact, i gave up long ago.. because:

i'm complicated, i'm indecisive, i'm elusive, i'm stubborn, i'm proud, i'm dysfunctional..
i'm egotistical, i'm vain, i'm addictive, i'm unattainable, i'm adventurous, i'm crass..
i'm insane, i'm obsessive, i'm compulsive, i'm sporadic, i'm snazzy, i'm sarcastic, i'm honest..
i'm broken, i'm flawed, i'm imperfect, i'm mesmerizing, i'm demanding, i'm distrusting..
i'm priceless, i'm blunt, i'm intolerant, i'm dislikable, i'm wanted, i'm beautiful, i'm ignorant..

i'm a plethora of things..

most of all, i'm hateful and snide and i like to think i'm right..

i want to believe you're going to fail me, because i can, not because i want to..

i want to know i'm your number one, always..
and i want to believe it.. for the first time, ever..

i love you.. i can't emphasize that enough.