|sigh|

i never could forgive and forget...
better explained, i could forget, sometimes, just not forgive..

now, it's like, i can't forget.. i just can't..
and it's eating at me, and i've no fucking idea why..

i mean, i do know why.. but this isn't me..
this whole "pondering" and thinking in a negative sense, ISN'T me..

in all of my relationships, ALL of them, i never once feared their outcome..
i was under the impression, what happend, happend,. and it happend for reasons..

now, now i'm constantly in this weird state of awareness and wonder..
and i'm forever seeking answers and justifications..
i'm needing reasons and answers, and i don't knows, don't fucking cut it..

if there is NO reason, and/or NO answer.. then i can't go on..
because i just don't understand.. and i refuse to be left with questions..

Argh.

My mind is my own demise.

I feel alone again.