[FuCk You|

i really thought i was excellent at holding things together, i always prided myself on being independent and strong enough to just mend myself when need be.. lately, not so much.. i'm failing miserably and needing people more and more and i dislike it greatly.

everything seems to be on this downward spiral and it's heading further and further down and constantly picking up speed.. i don't like it one bit.

my family seems to be growing increasingly more dysfunctional with each passing day, and then, the ones i think are a tad more sane, prove me wrong on a daily basis.. it's to the point where i feel like my dysfunction is far more beneficial in the aspect that i can honestly say i'm legally deemed to be this way.. and drugs make me happy, sometimes.. ok, i lied.. they make me lethargic and i've stopped taking them because i'd rather feel numb and morose, just to feel..

i've ditched just about everything/everyone i know, because i can't take the constant feeling of being a crutch for them.. i know my shoulders are broad, but for fucks sake, i'm not a miracle worker..

i can't even handle my own issues and problems, let alone save the world for everyone else.. however, this is not the case in their eyes, because i'm either the cause, or the savior of everything..

i'm falling apart again and i honestly can see it happening, yet, i make no attempt to change it because i fear change and sometimes being completely numb and apathetic, is better then feeling completely lost and unwanted..

i'm the epitome of lonilness and isolation.. tonight, all i see is empty..

i've become all of that which you made me, all of which is nothing.