[swish]

My day = weird.

I barely slept at all, then I spent the majority of it in bed, being girly.
Manicure, Pedicure, Eyebrows, so on and so forth.. you get the idea..

Steph texted about noon to tell me we were heading to dinner about 630.
So afterwards I laid around doing nothing, missing him horribly and just being solemn.
Lately, it seems like he's too busy for me, although, I'm sure it's just me.
I just have this thing lately that's eating at me and it's bleh.
It's like we've never the time for each other anymore, life is just happening around us.

Anyway, after my much anticipated shower, I decided to get dolled up and make myself feel less ick and sick like. So, I did my hair, got dressed, tossed on some minor make-up and viola, I was fuckable. ;] (just ask the Applebee's waiter)

After coming home, I felt ill all over again, my fever is back, my tummy hates me and I'm exhausted but cant seem to find it in me to actually sleep. So, I log online.

And BAM, he's there, he's always seemingly there when I feel at odds with myself, and he's always doing something to make me feel awkward.

And so, he sings to me:

"I wish someone would tell you

you're a star the way you are,

you know you're not fooling anyone.

No, you've got the eyes of an angel,

don't try to change,

yeah, everybody's got their scars.

(everybody's got their scars)

No matter what they tell you,

you're beautiful the way you are."

I know he loved me, but if that were really, honestly true back then, he'd not have walked away. Which, he did, and now, he suffers the loss. I just wish he wouldnt suffer in front of me, it makes it that much more difficult trying to remain collected.

I can't help that I'm happy now. I mean, I can. But, I am happy, and I'm hopelessly in love. I dislike knowing that my happiness causes someone else so much grief. However, I'm not going to give up my happiness for a life of misery without.

Some people need to learn to value what they have before so easily letting it go. Although, if you didn't let me go, I'd not be here, I'd not know what 'love' really is and/or capable of, so I should thank you. But, I know that would only send you over the edge. So, I'll remain here, as your sounding board, and as your one that got away. Because afterall, isnt that what you want? A reminder?

Take a good look, because that's all you're ever going to have, a memory.