|ventilation|

You know what pisses me off.. the fact that every time we fight, you make it conveniently my fault. It's either something I did, something I said, or a way I made YOU feel. Even when it's not intended that way, you don't bother to ask, you ASSUME and then turn it into yet another argument.

Then, when I try to smooth things over and move on from said-stated argument, I accept the blame (since YOU'RE putting it on me anyway), and you've the fucking audacity to call me a 'victim', or atleast playing the so-called part of one. AFTER you initially made me at fault for everything to begin with. How convenient, yet again.

Do you ever consider how I feel? EVER? Apparently, you do not. BECAUSE, if you did, you might see how I perceive things every once and again. You claim that you love me, IF you loved me, you'd not throw things that you know WILL hurt me, in my face, ALL the time. I guess playing the victim is something I do very well, since every time we bicker, you decide to make sure you call me one. All because for the sake of argument, I take full responsibility and that makes me some kind of fucking martyr, some sort of wanna-be victim.

Well, fuck you.

Oh and least not forget the whole: "You can have anyone you want, remember?" comments.

That's fucking right, I CAN have anyone I want. But again, the fact that I'm with you means NOTHING. You always love to remind me that my vanity is of course, in vain. It must bother you a lot, knowing that people want me, to have to throw it in my face at every given opportunity. A man would be proud that his woman is wanted and beautiful, admired even. He'd pride himself on the fact she is content in her own skin, to acknowledge it. But, no. Not you. I guess I should go back to being a victim and hide in a corner.

I'm so fucking sick of trying to convey things to you, and your hard-headed ways blocking it all. You want to be stubborn, so be it, but don't fucking play the pot and kettle game with me, because I know it all too well.

I sit here, 3k miles away, daily, nightly, wondering, waiting, crying, but it means nothing. None of it means anything at all, if you consistently can't fathom why. I digress, you DO know why, but you fail at realizing it.

I went through enough shit in my life, that I don't need this. I don't need to feel emotionally broken down. Which, by the way, you make me feel, almost at a constant rate.

It seems like you have this down to a science.

Jenna feels alone and distanced, so I'll use her words against her, then make her feel at fault, I'll blame her for my own inadequecies, make her feel even worse, and then call her a victim because she's accepting the blame I bestowed on her.

Maybe then, you can play the disappearing game again or shut me out, tell me to go fuck myself and argue with me for a few days, break me down some more, because you know I constantly give in..

I can't do this.. I am not strong enough to continually do this cat and mouse shit.