|fuck your thoughts|

i've no words this time..

i need to make changes, a lot of them..

and if i say nothing, i can continue on, making those changes..

but, if i don't say anything, i'm still in the wrong..

i'm still doing something not right, still the one who can't say anything correctly..

i don't know what to do..

everyone offers advice, tells me to do what makes me happy..

my happiness laid in his hands.. because it was the love in my heart that made me happy..

then, he dropped it..

each accusation, each assumption, every finger pointed..

it cracked a little more each time..

i won't continue faking to smile..

and i won't continue lying about how happy i am..

i'm not happy anymore..

i'm broken and i feel misplaced..

you fail to see that each argument, each moment of silence..

it continually pushed me further into a corner..

i've been in this corner for quite some time now..

you asked how i managed to not push anyone else away..

no one else has emotionally drained me to utter exhaustion..

no one else manipulated every word i spoke..

no one else got inside my head and heart and suffocated both..

i guess i did have words.. afterall..

i just wish i knew how to get things back to good, i mean, they were good at one point in time, werent they?