la la la.

Someone has been telling me to move on, let go, live for myself, focus more, and just breathe, alone.

I guess in a way, I am slowly doing so.

William bought me a new cell phone, it's so fucking cute, I should have it this weekend when he comes in. I'll be switching providers as well. I'll be a Sprint carrier. I'll still have my other phone (which is beyond broken and junk) until April (stupid fucking Verizon), but I won't be using it, except to check messages and stuff.

I bought a new bookcase, it's black and sleek and it's cute.. it'll match our new bed that I'll be picking up in 2 weeks. I am getting excited. Ausgust is almost here and then it'll be official. We'll be living together. I like this.

I was holding on, waiting for a move to be made. That move never came. So, I did let go. I stepped back, gazed out into the sky and took a deep breath. In that moment, I realized, that you never did love me as much as you said you did. If you did, you'd have still captured the time that was left and proved to me that you wanted me, forever. Instead, you completely let me go and let me find out on my own that you never did care at all. That hurt. But, I suppose I needed it. I needed to know and accept it.

I'm happy now. I'm in love. I'm content. I'm optimistic. I'm eager and smitten.

On that note, we are currently trying to conceive. I learned how not to worry as much about myself as I should about us as a whole. He's teaching me patience and that it's ok to trust someone other than yourself. Along these realizations, we thought about our future, our forever, and decided to share it with a child. He's adorable when we talk about it. The look on his face while we're laying in bed, pillow talking. I love knowing I make him as happy as he makes me. That assures me that this is all 'right' and 'just'.

With that being said, I'm going back to my fun.

Later days.