|the burn|

I need to write because I've no idea what to do with myself. My family is all downstairs, the kids, the parents, anyone who should mean everything to me, and I can't even enjoy it. All I can do is sulk and get asked, what's wrong.? How do I answer?

"I'm sorry, the man I thought loved me just broke my heart, on my own accord, because I knew all along he was actually loving someone else"

Does that work? No. Of course not. Because then I get the glares and the I'm sorry's and the what the hell happends? Then its back to crying and falling to pieces, when I need to move on and be strong. But, I'm not strong, I'm weak. I keep hearing the words he typed to her in my head and with each one it's just another blow to my pride, my soul and what's seemingly left of my heart.

I'm empty right now. So empty that the thought of being able to fix it only creates more of a void. I could go and be with anyone, but what does that solve or fix? Nothing. I never wanted anyone else, I was never torn between two, or four. I always knew who I wanted to be with and never questioned where I stand with another. So excuse me for not understanding how this could all happen or how it works.

I dont understand how you could progress with me, when you were torn up about feelings with her. Was I just a filler? Someone to take your mind off the mess that you both created? It's not my fault you're both fucking imbeciles who can't discuss how you feel. So here I am, 100% in love and so fucking scared of losing myself in someone, and I get fucking torn apart, becuase for the love of fuck you both decide to finally talk about your emotions.

I'm a fucking dolt for thinking I could lower a wall and not get hurt.

And now back to the angry state. Xanax and Vodka never tasted so good.