story.

to whom it may concern:

i remember when our conversations lasted for hours.. when there wasn't a silence that lasted more than a few moments, or atleast, just a few giggles.. the nights where we didn't want to hang up because there was simply too much more to say, or just because we wanted to listen to the others voice.. i remember the stories about our childhood, those that made us laugh and those that made us cry, because we were getting comfortable enough with one another that we were able to speak freely about it.. and vulnerable enough to trust one another with anything, including the things that made us who were are and who we're yet to become.. the truth behind the tormented youth that lead us to each other and bonded us with understanding and compassion, love and friendship.. i remember how we couldn't wait to learn more or couldn't go an hour without some sort of contact.. how we began speaking about a future, a future together and the majority of our conversations began to revolve around marriage, children, and even their future names.. i think back to the nights that we wouldn't sleep, because all we did was laugh about how neither of us knew how to approach the other with our feelings.. or how childish we could be with one another.. i remember the way you made me feel when we first started talking, how wanted and important i was to you.. how you seemed to need to remind me constantly that i was special and my smile was gold.. i reminisce about the first time i told you i loved you, how spur of the moment, yet so right it felt.. i also remember seeing your face for the first time, and knowing in that moment, i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you..

then i got scared.. i retaliated.. i hurt us both.. and i left.. with words unsaid and a life, unfinished..

then, you hurt me, a few times.. i got bitter.. and held a grudge.. i didn't want to ever trust you again..

and here we are..

conversations short.. more fighting then laughing.. no talks of future endeavors.. just.. typical, day to day banter.. i feel like i'm being slighted.. or i'm missing a very valid and important part of a relationship that once made me feel so whole..

i don't want to become the typical and normal, run of the mill couple.. i don't want distance or constant moments of silence filling the airwaves, when they're all i have, they're all i have to keep me close to you.. air..

maybe it's me.. maybe it's you.. maybe it's both of us.. but i feel like we're just existing, instead of living.. and we're not even existing together, we're coexisting 3 thousand miles apart.. and doing a shat job of it..

i love you, i love us, but i miss the old 'us'.. the love-sick, stupid us that got lost in one another..

i miss feeling completely complete.. because i miss you more than i'd miss air occupying my lungs..